Friday, September 5, 2014

Got Pain? Get Mary Jane!

It turns out that “Pain” is the magic word in Washington State these days.  Just like with the duck on the old TV Show, “You Bet Your Life.”  Back then you got $100.  Today you get ever so much more.

So … Alice called the magic number (866 306 3210), made an appointment with the Verde Clinic, and showed up in Bellingham the next day.

“I have pain!” she said with a tremor in her voice when she walked into the room.
An hour later, she strolled out with her first prescription for medical marijuana … plus approval to grow 15 plants.  $95 and good for a year.  Less than the deductible on her MedAdvantage Insurance Policy!

Apparently her spiritual journey was taking a detour through Cannabis Country.
Since the abode she shares with Heinrich is still for sale (no doubt setting a record for # of days on the market), the Realtor nixed the growing of the plants inside as planned.

Instead, Alice will sign her approval to grow over to a licensed grower, called a “Budbroker.”  That exchange involves some kind of promising business proposition that she has yet to enter.
This little detour was turning out to be a lot more interesting than searching for the Path to Righteousness.

With prescription in hand, Alice perused the products at Top Shelf Medicinal Collective with the help of the owner, Jeff Clark.  He is knowledgeable, and his store is impressive, professional, and private.  And the new store is even located in Burlington.


Jeff explained how cannabis cannot only help with pain, but also nausea from chemo, depression, seizures, and a host of other ailments.

Alice told him she didn't smoke, and  has not had even a tiny toke in decades.

Fortunately there are a plethora of alternatives.  “Patients” can can eat it, rub it on, and even drink it.  So now, Alice has fearlessly plunged into collecting data and recording her research results.  The products below were purchased a week ago.

The deep muscle rub (pictured on the left) is a thick salve, and is an alternative to the creamy spray (pictured on the right).  Alice prefers the spray for her back and sore muscles and joints from aerobic walking.  The smell is pleasant and it works!

The Agave Tincture is another matter.  The taste -- said to be “earthy” – seems to her more like something grown in pig poop.

Alice had to mix it with some OJ and Sambuca just to get it down.  So far the results are questionable.  She much prefers a rub-on stick called “The Remedy.”

She also acquired edible forms of marijuana:  a brownie and some cannabis butter.

Alice ate the brownie over the course of a few hours.  Bottom line:  it gave her a headache ... but she didn’t much care.
Some of the butter – which also tastes vile -- will be used this weekend to bake biscuits.  So you’ll have to stay tuned for the results of that culinary effort.

The message Alice hopes to communicate at this point -- especially to senior citizens who have any kind of pain -- is give this stuff a try. 

It’s legal.  It’s safe if you start slow and assess tolerance and results along the way.  And it works!


  1. I think you used the logo for Top Shelf Cannabis, the recreational store. The medical access point is named The Top Shelf Collective. :) You can find their logo on their facebook, instagram, or by e-mailing